God Forbid, Up For Bids: The Quintessential Quaint

You are bidding on item 777666. Healthy male specimen, age 19, slight cerebral defect. History of near-death experiences (to users). Otherwise in near-mint condition. Limited edition (1 of only 5 ever made!) humanoid will fulfil your every unnecessary need and more (or less)! Translates Arabic, French and Russian with a guaranteed 1% accuracy... on a good day.BONUS - translates Mandarin to Greek unaided! Makes authentically guttaral sounds when provoked! (press 'Try Me' button for demonstration) Listen to him sing, chatter and quote classics (badly) in the same endearing growl. Show him off to your friends and amaze them with his (inexistent) wit, then lose them all. Comes with four interchangeable gangly limbs. Swap legs for arms and vice versa - you won't be able to tell the difference from the way he dances. Bid now! You will never leave home without him again!

Your mileage may vary. Product has been known to sloth and idle for days on end. Troubleshoot with copious amounts of either gourmet chocolate, cheese or Female (each sold seperately).

Keep away from children aged 10 and below due to choking hazards. He will choke them.

Other products by same seller:

Form-Fitting Girl Friend - dress up your pet with this one-size-fits-all arm attachment! Place in close proximity and watch him drool and fumble helplessly! Warning: Girl attachment disappears after a maximum of 3 days.

Insta-Get-A-Life Kit - be dazzled as your pet suddenly comes to life with this unlimited credit card charged to none other than your personal account! Vices, friends and ticket to hell sold seperately.

Current Bid: $0.00